on siblings love - Essays from the Archive

A husband or a child can be replaced but who can grow me a new brother? (Antigonick, Anne Carson)

I love my siblings even if they’re killing me.

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I admit that many times, especially when I was younger and even more dramatic than I am now, I caught myself thinking, “God, I wish I were an only child.” It wasn’t until I spent a few days without my brothers that I truly understood how incomplete and even lonelier I would have felt. I would have grown up differently, perhaps for better, perhaps for worse, but certainly not as I am today. A blend of kindness and stubbornness, patience and temper, lightness of heart and the weight of the mind. Everything they are I am too. I have been shaped by the simple grace of their presence. It’s inexplicable, a love like this, incredible how quickly we turn to hate, whispering insults, only to then share a piece of what we’re eating as if to say: all is forgiven… until it begins again. I find myself unable to move, to leave, I think of how the years slip away so quickly and when we are nothing but ashes what will be left of this brotherly love that’s slowly killing me?

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Dustin Pearson — The World at its Beginning

Kindness, patience, blanket forts, the fire of anger, Back to the Future, sweetness summer days, Stephen King’s books, unconditional love, staying up late, rock music, rap music, tears burning my eyes, coca cola, laughters, being sick at the same time, warm wool blankets, carving halloween pumpkins, sleeping till noon, tea at 5 pm, endless family road trips, the whisper of the beach and the sea — our childhood home in flames.

These are the things I visualize when I think of my brothers.

And then childish thoughts: “He’s mom’s favorite” or “Dad loves him more.” But still trying to avoid being competitive (unless we’re playing some game), each with their own passions, different personalities that inevitably intertwine. You don’t choose your family, but you can choose to keep loving them no matter what. A love like this knows no boundaries, hurtful words cast into the wind will soon fade, and all will be forgiven.

We’re adults now but I still need you to check for monsters beneath my bed.

We’re adults now but I still need you to push me on the swing.

And I’ll do the same for you.

Hamnet — Maggie O’Farrell / Ribs — Lorde

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And now I thought I would share some books, movies and tv shows that feature my favorite siblings and a couple of songs that always make me think of my brothers.

books —

1. The Brothers Karamazov / Fyodor Dostoevsky

2. East of Eden / John Steinbeck

3. The Dutch House / Ann Patchett

4. Hamnet / Maggie O’Farrell

5. Three Summers / Margarita Liberaki

6. Betty / Tiffany Mcdaniel

7. Housekeeping / Marilynne Robinson

8. We Have Always Lived in the Castle / Shirley Jackson

9. The Chronicles of Narnia / C. S. Lewis

movies —

1. The Adults / Dustin Guy Defa

2. The Daytrippers / Greg Mottola

3. Stuck in Love / Josh Boone

4. Donnie Darko / Richard Kelly

5. Marrowbone / Sergio G. Sánchez

6. The Banshees of Inisherin / Martin McDonagh

7. East of Eden / Elia Kazan

8. E.T. The Extraterrestrial / Steven Spielberg

9. Little Women / Gillian Armstrong — Greta Gerwig

10. The Royal Tenenbaums / Wes Anderson

tv shows —

1. The bear / Christopher Storer

2. Friends / David Crane & Marta Kauffman

3. The Haunting of Hill House / Mike Flanagan

4. Supernatural / Eric Kripke

5. Fleabag / Phoebe Waller-Bridge

6. This is Us / Dan Fogelman

7. Charmed / Constance Burge

8. Over the Garden wall / Patrick McHale

9. Succession / Jesse Armstrong

songs —