sleepy tea time with ella #1
Talking about the meaning of life, on how to make friends, favorite classics, winter recommendations and more!
Happy Sunday and welcome to our little cozy club, where I’ll be answering some of your questions (thank you so much for sending them, there were SO many so if you don’t see your question below don’t worry, I’ll definitely answer them next time!) So grab a blanket, a hot cup of tea with some butter biscuits, put on your wool socks, and snuggle up.
If you want to send a question and be featured in the next episode you can send it here: sleepy tea time with ella. Remember that your questions will be public, but no one will know they came from you.
for more info: Introducing: sleepy tea time with ella
I am a college student in my hometown, second year humanities student and whilst I am enjoying my time learning. I am constantly feeling isolated. I find it really hard to make friends and I am so anxious about what to say and how to act. Personally, I don't mind being alone, but i've been feeling lonely at times, during commutes and between classes. Do you have any advice on meeting people and creating meaningful relationships?
Even if we’re completely content with being alone, it’s normal to seek human connection. In my life I always had small groups of friends, never more than three or four, and it was perfect for me cause just like you I love being alone. But if I wanted to make new friends now, especially if I were in your position, here’s what I’d try: I would start with something simple and silly, like asking someone for a pen or making a lighthearted comment, it might seem small, but these casual interactions can open the door to conversation. If there’s someone who interests you, they’re probably more friendly that you’re thinking and will gladly have a chat with you. You could also bring up a topic from class as a natural conversation starter. And be a regular at your local coffee shop or library or wherever you want, pick a place and stick to it, probably there are other regulars that soon will recognize your face and maybe they’ll start a conversation with you! Don’t be anxious, I was just like you a few years ago and now I can have a talk with a stranger with no problem, once you’ll star it will eventually get easier.
hi ella 💌 do you have recommendations of films/books or media in general for when you're struggling with loneliness and change??
Hi ❣️ Yes, one of my favorite movies ever: Frankie & Johnny directed by Garry Marshall. Frankie is very dear to my heart and I really see myself in her. She is a lonely character but the movie in general deals with loneliness in a very real way.
White Oleander, the book written by Janet Fitch and the movie directed by Peter Kosminsky (sorry, another Michelle Pfeiffer movie, she’s my favorite).
The Hours directed by Stephen Daldry (I still need to read the book!)
Foster written by Claire Keegan and the movie adaptation The Quiet Girl directed by Colm Bairéad, and Columbus directed by Kogonada.
Some other books: Stoner by John Williams, Lila by Marylinne Robinson, The Ice Palace by Tarjei Vesaas, Pew by Catherine Lacey.
How can I get off of TikTok and the internet wormhole without loosing touch of pop culture?
I think the drastic way is not really that effective, if you like being on the internet I think you need to find balance and not cut out every form of social media. I consider myself pretty good at staying off of it because I prefer posting to scrolling but I totally get you! I definitely have times when I spend hours scrolling through tiktok (or pinterest — now that’s my problem!) and when I finally get off I always feel bad for wasting all that time when I could have done something more productive. I believe hobbies are one of the most powerful tools against excessive screen time. There are so many options to choose from: reading, writing, watching movies, journaling, learning a new language or instrument, scrapbooking, knitting, playing video games, or baking and cooking. Creating a routine can be really helpful, for example, you could set specific time blocks for activities like: reading from 10:00 to 11:00 and cooking from 12:00 to 1:00. I think it takes about a month for your brain to get used to a new routine, and you can always fit in your social media time whenever you want. I just wouldn’t recommend excessive scrolling first thing in the morning or right before bed! And another thing that I think works for me is having all my social media notifications off. Also ask yourself: what you think you’re missing by not checking social media for a few hours? Probably nothing important. Listening to podcasts and reading magazines can also help you stay connected to the world. I recently subscribed to The New Yorker for $6, and I’m loving it! And few days ago, I even saw a tiktok where a girl summarized the week’s pop culture events (I can’t seem to find it now, but I’ll edit this and write here the username if I do) that could be helpful if you decide to limit your tiktok usage, you’ll get all the pop culture news without too much scrolling.
do you have any recs for winter movies that aren't christmas themed? something to watch in january / february! ✉️
Of course! If you don’t already know I actually write Seasonal Archives where I recommend movies, books etc based on the month we’re in, so keep an eye out for that! For now I’d say:
— Misery by Rob Reiner
— Amadeus by Milos Forman
— First Reformed by Paul Schrader
— Russian Ark by Aleksandr Sokurov
I ask you for a good book of poetry that has left an impression on you and a book (preferably a novel) that has taught you something, in whose philosophy you have found comfort or food for thought!
Emily Dickinson has always been my favorite, I’d recommend a collection of her best works. And when I was younger I was really fond of Walt Whitman! I need to read more poetry actually. I think East of Eden by John Steinbeck is the perfect novel for opening your mind and really thinking about life, work, religion, love, family, and human nature. I always say I don’t really care for those “books to read before you die” type of lists, but I think everyone can learn something from East of Eden. Gilead by Marilynne Robinson is another great one. It’s a novel that revolves around Christian characters, but even if you’re not interested in religion there are some beautiful passages that made me reflect on faith and forgiveness and helped me appreciate the beauty in small everyday things. I’d also recommend War and Peace by Tolstoy — especially the Pierre chapters. I found comfort in his character and his search for the meaning of life really opened my eyes.
What would you consider the best advice for someone who thinks too much about what others think of them when they put themselves out there, even if it’s a simple moment of talking of some topic in front of other people (I freak out with every presentation I have to give cause I keep thinking about what they are thinking of me!).
I also struggled with this when I was younger and it’s completely normal! I would never talk in class and thought that everyone was judging me or making fun of me. Turns out, they were probably struggling with the same thoughts. Everyone is insicure even if they don’t say it out loud, everyone is so self centered that trust me, they probably are worried about how they’re perceived just as you are. They probably rehearse the topics they want to talk about so many times until it becomes natural. So I’d say (and this may sound crazy) but when you’re studying or even reading a book, do it out loud, even if you’re by yourself. Imagine an audience in front of you. Or you could do it with a friend or a family member even if you don’t find it awkward with them, also it’s really important to be sure about your work, if you’re satisfied about it and you know it’s good, you’ll be more confident in general.
what are your favorite classics? 💕
Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
Agnes Grey by Anne Brontë
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
Emma by Jane Austen
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky
East of Eden by John Steinbeck
Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
What's the point of life?
Love. Love for yourself when you brush your hair, when you take off your makeup at the end of the day, or when you step into the shower each morning. Love for others: your partner, your family, your friends, your pet. Love in everything you do. Love when you make tea for yourself, and when you ask if anyone else wants some everyone says yes so now you’re boiling water for five people. Love when you cook a meal for your mother, even if it lacks salt, when you bake a cake for your brother’s birthday, even if it gets a little burnt, when you make too many cookies and share them with a neighbor. Love in discovering a new book or revisiting an old favorite, in writing in the notebook you just bought, in listening to a playlist that introduces you to a new artist, in watching a movie for the hundredth time. Love in the changing leaves, in the sunlight, in the rain. Love in the spontaneous conversations with strangers, in giving a compliment to someone you just met, in being kind to workers. Love that transcends time and space, even death, love found in the sickest and bleakest of places. Every little thing we do should be done with love. We were made for love, in all its forms.
Thank you so much for reading! Remember to check out my other publications:
The Monthly Archives: a free newsletter where I share recommendations based on what I've been reading, watching, and using throughout the year.
Essays from the Archive: a diary where I write my personal thoughts.
The Seasonal Archive: where I write about my favorite books, movies, and all things seasonal (I’m currently working on the autumn one!)
Into The Archivist’s Mind: where I review all the books I’ve read during the month, including favorite quotes, and whether I would recommend them or not.
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Happy reading and writing,
Ella 💌
Such a lovely post! Is the weekly pop culture wrap up TikTok account your speaking about olivialayne6?
You never miss!!! I love ur archive Ella <3